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Connor’s Birth Story by Julia

I am writing this birth story some time after Connor’s birth.  He is now 2 and a half and the most beautiful boy I could ever have dreamed of.  He is funny, charming, completely engaging, bright, articulate and unreasonably handsome!  He is just potty training at the moment and has just had his first session at Peter Pan nursery.  He is of course doing brilliantly at both.  He has one other fantastic quality which is that he is forever kissing and cuddling anyone who lets him (including Woody the dog).  He does this with such vigour that you know when you’ve been kissed and if you don’t sit still he’ll hold you down!  I love him completely and did from the moment I first dared to open my eyes and look at him the moment he was born. 

July 2003 was the hottest summer for something like 40 years.  In the lead-up to Connors arrival temperatures were regularly in the 90’s.  He was due in the first week of July and I know this may sound silly but I don’t think it was a coincidence that he held off for a week or two as Neal’s Nana, Amy died early in July which was completely devastating for Neal’s Mum and his Granddad.  Uncle Henry had only passed away 18 months before (a week after Mia was born) and although I’m sure Amy would have loved to at least have met her Grandson I think Connor chose well to keep out of the way so Mum could at least focus on her grief and the wellbeing of Granddad.  Looking back I remember quite clearly Mum saying that Nana knew I was carrying a boy.  I’m sorry she didn’t get to meet him – she would have been smitten. 

The first 2 weeks of July I experienced really strong runs of contractions sometimes lasting several hours which often made me think I was in labour but the contractions were not the tell-tale regular ones you look out for.  I remember feeling quite lonely and desperate when these runs were occurring because I was incredibly uncomfortable in the heat, so much so that I would spend hours sleeping on the reclining chair on the deck outside.  These “practice” runs would last well into the early hours of the morning and I didn’t like to wake Neal.  It meant I was absolutely exhausted by the time morning came and the 18 month old Mia greeted me with her usual demands (and charms of course). 

The first 2 weeks of July came and went and I was getting more and more anxious.  I didn’t have the same confidence and ease with this pregnancy as I had with Mia.  I was anxious about what lay ahead and found myself questioning my ability to do this a second time.  I was also very agitated due to the fact that my best friend Bekki was due to emigrate at the end of the year which deeply unsettled me and of course Neal’s Nana had just died.  Nana’s funeral was on the 16^th which was not only one of the hottest days but also the muggiest.  I was terribly uncomfortable, exhausted and fractious so asked if I could stay in bed rather than go to the funeral. 

The next day was much the same but at around 8pm I began to feel very strong and regular tightenings.  I didn’t want to get everyone together straight away so just phoned Andrea to let he know and to be ready in case things progressed.  By midnight I was getting very regular contractions and asked for her and Bekki to come. 

Andrea arrived at around 2am and I remember being very edgy and not at all as relaxed and excited as Mia’s arrival.  I remember being more concerned that it was all going to be too quick for me to manage as opposed to the controlled experience of Mia’s birth.  I should have known it wasn’t going to be at all like that as Connor was in the wrong position for a short delivery and Andrea had been prepping me for a long haul but somehow I had convinced myself that this was going to be quick. 

The room was set up by 2.30am and Bekki had now arrived also and we got down to business.  I was getting strong regular contractions and they were with very short intervals and I had a sensation to push really early on, again making me feel that this was going to be quick.  I was joking with Andrea that I would have her home in time to celebrate her Son, Alex’s 30^th birthday.  We went all through the night, Bekki and Neal were great.  Bekki was just great to have around as she knows me so well and we are very relaxed with each other.  Neal was great in taking care of me bodily with massages, cold flannels, lucozade etc.  When dawn broke at around 5am I was really surprised to be still in labour and then I remember everything just slowed down.  My contractions began to weaken and the intervals began to stretch out.  I became very despondent but still determined I began doing all kinds of physical manoeuvres to get things moving but to no avail.  By about 9am everything had stopped and Andrea decided we should all just rest.  She put me in a kind of pillow “nest” and she went home.  Bekki stayed to keep me company which was fantastic as I was really disappointed as well as exhausted.  I wanted to sleep but was incredibly uncomfortable so just lay and talked.   

In the meantime, Andrea had suggested we call an acupuncturist she knew who specialised in labour.  Her name was Jadwiga and she would cost £120+.  Neal thought this was quite a lot of money but I was desperate to try anything so asked him to call her.  I remember him joking with her on the phone “I’ve got a set of darts here, can’t you just tell me where to aim” – very funny Neal ;-).    Anyway, despite Neal’s appalling sense of humour she came.  She was a small, elfish looking woman who in my delirium looked faintly witch like but the nice kind.  She talked very calmly and soothingly about what she was going to do and then produced a kind of body mould that allowed me to lie completely prostrate on my tummy so that all the weight of Connor was off me – it was heavenly and apparently I fell into a snore inducing sleep within minutes.  She woke me about an hour later and explained that she had worked on key pressure points and that as soon as I was revived by pressing pins into my ears I would feel powerful contractions again.  I had never had acupuncture before so was a bit sceptical but BAM, within seconds I was being hit hard with the most amazingly powerful contractions – we were back on!  I called Andrea and she came at around 3pm.

From 3.30pm to 6pm I tried everything; on the bed, off the bed, leaning against Neal, kneeling with elbows being supported by Neal, having Neal hold me up and pushing  against Neal – poor Neal and poor me – nothing was working.  Andrea kept checking what was going on and decided by 6pm that I needed to rest so put me in the bath whilst everyone ate the now customary spaghetti (Neal made the same meal for everyone during Mia’s delivery). 

I remember feeling very dejected in the bath.  I started to doubt if I had it in me to keep going and even began to consider a caesarean which would of be furthest from my mind at the beginning.  Sue Rose had joined us some time earlier and was now talking to me whilst sitting on the toilet.  I remember being quite relaxed but somehow removed from the whole proceedings.  I remember thinking that I wanted to just be hanging out with the gang next door and wanting this to be put on hold.  I even remember thinking that I would be fine with just Mia and what did I want another baby for.  I was just about ready to throw in the towel when Andrea came into the bathroom, announced that she had worked it all out, that she had a plan and that I needed to get out of the bath right away.  There goes the discussion about a caesarean methinks!  I have to admit, if it was anyone other than Andrea asking me to do this they would have gotten a very short answer but I had complete faith in Andrea to know best and did what I was told. 

Right from the moment the contractions began to bite again Andrea had me doing movements designed to help shift Connors position.  My earlier contractions had been very painful on my lower back and she could see there was a rising with every contraction.  She deduced from this that Connor must have his arm caught which was why labour was not progressing as it should.  She decided that the only way for labour to continue productively was to do vigorous movements to shift Connor from his current position.  These vigorous movements involved me arching my back whilst holding my bump and taking a huge step forward.  I did six of these movements and felt a deep, body shaking pain that I thought in one case that it would finish me off – that my heart would not be able to take the strain of it.  After these 6 movements Andrea had me walking 3 steps apart up and down the stairs and then doing sideways squats holding on to the banister –all of which were during the most excruciating contractions.  Something changed in the way the contractions were manifesting and Andrea was convinced she had shifted Connor but I was left absolutely shattered.

I was just like a sack of bones on the bed.  Neal was cuddled up around me but I couldn’t talk or connect with anyone.  I rested for a while and Andrea checked to see how things were progressing.  I was almost in tears as I just wanted to meet my baby and it felt like we had tried everything and I wasn’t any closer to this happening.  I rested for a time and then we decided that we should get things going again.  I remember always talking to Andrea, asking her what to do next, should we try this, should we try that and having complete confidence and trust in her suggestions.  I felt very much that I was actively involved in everything we tried so when she suggested we break the waters I agreed but still he wouldn’t come and worse, the contractions had slowed and weakened again.   I was now completely bereft.  I think Andrea sensed I had nothing left in me and that it could take hours more.  I have since talked the whole thing through with her and she confirmed that this was her reasoning for her next decision.  “Julia, we have to get this baby out now”.  She said it plainly and calmly but my maternal instinct kicked in as I interpreted this statement as “this baby is going to come to harm unless I do something about it”.  With that instruction I pushed with a primal instinct, commitment and power and would not stop until literally he was out.  He came in one complete push – head, shoulders, body all with nothing more than muscle power as there were no contractions left. 

When he was out I remember being absolutely petrified and would not open my eyes to look at him.  To encourage me to do so, Andrea broke her cardinal rule of not announcing the sex of a baby and shouted “look at your beautiful boy” – It’s a boy!!!  I heard those words and opened my eyes to see a beautiful pair of black eyes staring back at me.  He was strong, loud and in once piece.  Thanks goodness! 

He was so strong that he immediately tried to lift his head and look at me.  I was shaking from the exertion, fear and shock but I was deliriously happy  - he had finally come!  He was a healthy 9lb 8oz and looked really robust.  I had a bit more work to do with getting the placenta out but by 1am mother and baby were tucked up in bed and Connor fed immediately and with real vigour. 

It has taken me to this time to really feel at ease with Connor’s birth.  It was far from the tranquil entrance of his big sister and in many ways an ordeal some would like to forget but for me it was a triumph.  It was a triumph because it produced my Son who did I mention I was crazy about, but also a triumph for me as I found out my true strength.  It was also a triumph for me to see Neal be so strong physically and emotionally throughout the whole experience.  I should mention here too, in case Connor ever reads this that Neal was as smitten as I was from the moment Connor arrived and has been ever since.  In fact, I’m definitely number 2 as far as Connor’s concerned as its all Dad Dad Dad!  

I will probably just file this document away with all the baby things but it’s good to get it all down for me and for anyone in the future who may read it.  

My 2 children are a delight to me in so many ways.   I am madly in love with them and long may it continue.  Thanks to Andrea primarily for bringing another member of my family into this world – she really is an exceptional woman and there is no other person who I would have trusted to help me through such an experience.   Thanks also to Bekki for being there for me for the 2^nd time I wish she was closer to home but I won’t ever forget her love and support that day.  Thanks to Rose too for all her support especially in the bathroom chat!  And last but not least to Neal for being brave, strong, full of love and caring and most importantly having faith in his missus to go the distance!